omg why do i distant myself away from my guy friends and everything when you...........
dont even feel the sense of awkwardness of being close to girls.
i am fucking stupid.
goodnight
Sunday, October 23, 2011
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
ah seriously i need this space right now.
sigh. you know, alot of shit happened lately. too much.
in fact, for the past 3 weeks maybe, we've always been fighting every few days.
if not fight, get all angsty cranky or you know, that tension?
yeh yknow it srsly sucks......but ok we solved that few days ago.
so the reason was.... you rly cant stand it that i have guys in my inbox ok sorry???? and you wouldnt even listen to my explanation :( no wait, you did. but i had a "yeah okay" as a reply. yeah sure...... sigh. and then since all matters are solved, i thought it's all okay. war's over.
ive stopped texting everyone. and everything. just so i dont have to go thru another war. and yup i know your expression and emotions change when you saw the name of the ex in my inbox. ah, you mean you thought i didn't see yours? sure. i just pretended like i didn't. i totally did. and she was on your twitter mentions too. oh wow now look who's talking to who's ex...............yup sure.
ok have a nice day while i adapt to a shitty life
sigh. you know, alot of shit happened lately. too much.
in fact, for the past 3 weeks maybe, we've always been fighting every few days.
if not fight, get all angsty cranky or you know, that tension?
yeh yknow it srsly sucks......but ok we solved that few days ago.
so the reason was.... you rly cant stand it that i have guys in my inbox ok sorry???? and you wouldnt even listen to my explanation :( no wait, you did. but i had a "yeah okay" as a reply. yeah sure...... sigh. and then since all matters are solved, i thought it's all okay. war's over.
ive stopped texting everyone. and everything. just so i dont have to go thru another war. and yup i know your expression and emotions change when you saw the name of the ex in my inbox. ah, you mean you thought i didn't see yours? sure. i just pretended like i didn't. i totally did. and she was on your twitter mentions too. oh wow now look who's talking to who's ex...............yup sure.
ok have a nice day while i adapt to a shitty life
Saturday, August 13, 2011
Okay once again I've got no one to talk to about you.
So i'll keep on talking to, yeah you know. my blog. haha.
Sigh, these days......have been exhausting. I've been disappointed plenty of times, or maybe now it's been almost everyday. But I can't say much. Alright alright, I asked for it. I totally did. You're going through your crucial moments now okay Os are just round the corner which is why I've been quiet about it and you know, just keep everything to myself. All these things I'm feeling, fine I'll just swallow them. I understand you've been busy with Os, so well okay I can understand why you've been changing slowly. It's like as if your life was stolen and you can't be happy about anything. Or maybe I just can't make you happy? I don't know but yeah okay under your 'depression' due to the coming Os I'm fine ya know i'll keep this allllllllll to myself and throw it away somewhere.
But well there's about another 100 days before I really realise whether it was Os that made you like this, or if you are just the way you are. Your true colours would get really loud by then. And well yeah, I'm sorry if I decide to leave you then. Seems mean, don't you think so? Leaving someone because they disappoint you with their attitude. But well I'm sorry you're not someone I can talk to about how you've changed or how you've been behaving unusual-y you'll be all like "whut no" "no i'm ok" or you just won't tell me anything sigh sometimes it just makes me feel like shit.
What's the point of pretending to be all fine when you give me all these sorts of things.........
So i'll keep on talking to, yeah you know. my blog. haha.
Sigh, these days......have been exhausting. I've been disappointed plenty of times, or maybe now it's been almost everyday. But I can't say much. Alright alright, I asked for it. I totally did. You're going through your crucial moments now okay Os are just round the corner which is why I've been quiet about it and you know, just keep everything to myself. All these things I'm feeling, fine I'll just swallow them. I understand you've been busy with Os, so well okay I can understand why you've been changing slowly. It's like as if your life was stolen and you can't be happy about anything. Or maybe I just can't make you happy? I don't know but yeah okay under your 'depression' due to the coming Os I'm fine ya know i'll keep this allllllllll to myself and throw it away somewhere.
But well there's about another 100 days before I really realise whether it was Os that made you like this, or if you are just the way you are. Your true colours would get really loud by then. And well yeah, I'm sorry if I decide to leave you then. Seems mean, don't you think so? Leaving someone because they disappoint you with their attitude. But well I'm sorry you're not someone I can talk to about how you've changed or how you've been behaving unusual-y you'll be all like "whut no" "no i'm ok" or you just won't tell me anything sigh sometimes it just makes me feel like shit.
What's the point of pretending to be all fine when you give me all these sorts of things.........
Monday, July 4, 2011
but there's still one thing i'd like to know
you make it seem like its directed at me, well its obvious that it is.
you talk to me with attitude,
you pretend to be ok when clearly it isnt,
you said nothing's about me,
BUT YOU'LL NEVER TELL ME WHATS GOING ON
and i'm supposed to be the one forgetting anyth happened. hmm k i so understand my role here
you make it seem like its directed at me, well its obvious that it is.
you talk to me with attitude,
you pretend to be ok when clearly it isnt,
you said nothing's about me,
BUT YOU'LL NEVER TELL ME WHATS GOING ON
and i'm supposed to be the one forgetting anyth happened. hmm k i so understand my role here
Thursday, June 2, 2011
and i can't stand how much you're hiding things from me sometimes.
i mean it's clear on your twitter and you're still going "it's nothing"?
"I'm fine! really :)"
oh come on i feel beyond lousy so what am i here for?
just to tell you i love you every night?
you won't even trust me to tell me what's wrong?
alright.
i mean it's clear on your twitter and you're still going "it's nothing"?
"I'm fine! really :)"
oh come on i feel beyond lousy so what am i here for?
just to tell you i love you every night?
you won't even trust me to tell me what's wrong?
alright.
so yeah.
it's been long.
have only ranted much thru twitter.
guess i miss blogging, rly.
twitter's so open everyone would just judge me.
and, tumblr just ain't the place to rant.
so guess here I am.
the last time i posted was in march. roar i see my angsty post. well, it's not like we made up anyway. i don't regret anything. i still think that he hasn't change but i've decided not to live full of hate so he isn't in my life anymore :-)
i now live peacefully. i love my boyfriend but well he might disappoint me sometimes. it's k i think life is meant to disappoint you at times -.-
heh two months actually past really fast. I thank god for the presence of someone like him. but of course, i'll forever love my bestfriends maryam and hamizan. to be honest, sec school has brought me to meet new amazing people but i can never feel the same as how i did in pri sch. i can never find the same kind of friends that i can trust fully and just let myself loose without anyone judging. i mean just look at how aisyah alyaa and maryam was. they were beyond amazing. but things just have to change, people just have to change too :/ there's shahf who i can count on now, but yeah it still ain't really the same. still, thanks Allah. :)
sometimes i really feel like i don't have friends. as in, i don't have real true friends you know. i don't even know who are my bestfriends now (except those two yup). And I'm starting to feel even more socially awkward these days......................
and when i face shit these days i just don't know who to turn to. sometimes my boyfriend may seem a little busy/less interested. and, yeah i really don't have anyone to turn to sometimes i just die inside. i really wish i had someone who'd always be there, even though it's almost impossible.
sigh. life these days.
it's been long.
have only ranted much thru twitter.
guess i miss blogging, rly.
twitter's so open everyone would just judge me.
and, tumblr just ain't the place to rant.
so guess here I am.
the last time i posted was in march. roar i see my angsty post. well, it's not like we made up anyway. i don't regret anything. i still think that he hasn't change but i've decided not to live full of hate so he isn't in my life anymore :-)
i now live peacefully. i love my boyfriend but well he might disappoint me sometimes. it's k i think life is meant to disappoint you at times -.-
heh two months actually past really fast. I thank god for the presence of someone like him. but of course, i'll forever love my bestfriends maryam and hamizan. to be honest, sec school has brought me to meet new amazing people but i can never feel the same as how i did in pri sch. i can never find the same kind of friends that i can trust fully and just let myself loose without anyone judging. i mean just look at how aisyah alyaa and maryam was. they were beyond amazing. but things just have to change, people just have to change too :/ there's shahf who i can count on now, but yeah it still ain't really the same. still, thanks Allah. :)
sometimes i really feel like i don't have friends. as in, i don't have real true friends you know. i don't even know who are my bestfriends now (except those two yup). And I'm starting to feel even more socially awkward these days......................
and when i face shit these days i just don't know who to turn to. sometimes my boyfriend may seem a little busy/less interested. and, yeah i really don't have anyone to turn to sometimes i just die inside. i really wish i had someone who'd always be there, even though it's almost impossible.
sigh. life these days.
Monday, March 28, 2011
did i tell you?
i have a whore bestfriend.
he got together with someone he just knew like maybe, 2 weeks before they got together.
wait, why do i even consider him a bestfriend. i used to think that despite him being a whore, he's worthy being a friend afterall. but no, slowly things are proving me wrong. i've been stupid. well i know humans are imperfect, we've got to accept those imperfections but omg srsly idk how many times i've told you off in the face and i don't know how many times i've heard your "okay i know i'm sorry alright i'll promise i'll do this, i'll change, for you my bestfriend." oh gosh i feel so sick. -pukes-
how many times have you said that? countless.
how many times have you kept those promises? oh wait you never did.
and stop making me look like i'm the mean bitch. because well yeah, everybody thinks so. with me openly calling you a whore, and saying it to you straight, in front of everyone. that makes me a bitch right?
nobody knows who you are. everybody's deceived by that cunning side of yours. the side where you show your whoreness and loserness but you make yourself seem sorry, and you make me seem like i'm the unforgiving bitch who can't accept one for his imperfections.
your bullshit makes me sick. you should burn in hell together with that whore. and what stupid game are you putting me into? to prove to the world you can actually last long in a goddamn relationship? what kind of a friend are you? you're using your own "sis" to prove yourself to the world. selfish piece of shit.
you should just stay in a bush and make out have sex and die in there for all i care. i'm done with trying to make you feel comfortable and be there for you when you come crying to me on the phone, when you break down outside, when you have problems almost all the time.
you can confide in your dear girlfriend and i hope she dumps you well. just soon enough bro.
i have a whore bestfriend.
he got together with someone he just knew like maybe, 2 weeks before they got together.
wait, why do i even consider him a bestfriend. i used to think that despite him being a whore, he's worthy being a friend afterall. but no, slowly things are proving me wrong. i've been stupid. well i know humans are imperfect, we've got to accept those imperfections but omg srsly idk how many times i've told you off in the face and i don't know how many times i've heard your "okay i know i'm sorry alright i'll promise i'll do this, i'll change, for you my bestfriend." oh gosh i feel so sick. -pukes-
how many times have you said that? countless.
how many times have you kept those promises? oh wait you never did.
and stop making me look like i'm the mean bitch. because well yeah, everybody thinks so. with me openly calling you a whore, and saying it to you straight, in front of everyone. that makes me a bitch right?
nobody knows who you are. everybody's deceived by that cunning side of yours. the side where you show your whoreness and loserness but you make yourself seem sorry, and you make me seem like i'm the unforgiving bitch who can't accept one for his imperfections.
your bullshit makes me sick. you should burn in hell together with that whore. and what stupid game are you putting me into? to prove to the world you can actually last long in a goddamn relationship? what kind of a friend are you? you're using your own "sis" to prove yourself to the world. selfish piece of shit.
you should just stay in a bush and make out have sex and die in there for all i care. i'm done with trying to make you feel comfortable and be there for you when you come crying to me on the phone, when you break down outside, when you have problems almost all the time.
you can confide in your dear girlfriend and i hope she dumps you well. just soon enough bro.
okay finally.
i think i've had a busy week, a stupid holiday.
wait, what holiday?
sigh. but whatever. anyway, have been so busy these days. i'm glad we made it through to the next round in nationals but seriously now it's 7326429857302x tougher, knowing we're facing last year's top 2 of nats. /dies. i'm too tired to push myself through this two matches, srsly. and oh the malay dialog thing......gah.
and then comes homework and everything else gah this is annoying i have no time to complete all my homework this is annoying annoying annoying. i should probably just go kill myself already ok let's go.
and guess what? ...... this is only the beginning of term 2. i want things to end right here right now.
because i just want to sleep forever.
i think i've had a busy week, a stupid holiday.
wait, what holiday?
sigh. but whatever. anyway, have been so busy these days. i'm glad we made it through to the next round in nationals but seriously now it's 7326429857302x tougher, knowing we're facing last year's top 2 of nats. /dies. i'm too tired to push myself through this two matches, srsly. and oh the malay dialog thing......gah.
and then comes homework and everything else gah this is annoying i have no time to complete all my homework this is annoying annoying annoying. i should probably just go kill myself already ok let's go.
and guess what? ...... this is only the beginning of term 2. i want things to end right here right now.
because i just want to sleep forever.
Sunday, March 6, 2011
yesterday night, was one of the best nights ever.
yeah i was home alone, what could i possibly be happy about huh. but well, yeah you made me so goddamn happy i screamed and oh yeah you can't imagine how happy i was. it's beyond crazy.
and then today, it's back to normal.
good friends aye?
what was i thinking.
hahahaha. do you even care? mmmm
yeah i was home alone, what could i possibly be happy about huh. but well, yeah you made me so goddamn happy i screamed and oh yeah you can't imagine how happy i was. it's beyond crazy.
and then today, it's back to normal.
good friends aye?
what was i thinking.
hahahaha. do you even care? mmmm
Friday, March 4, 2011
MAJOR SIGH here's my rant for tonight i've been holding it back for too long and god damn it. i can't take this anymore. i can't pretend to be happy ok no i cannot i cannot i just cannot i'm sorry i am a weakling ok whatever hahahahahahaha
these days i question myself if i have friends. omg haha seriously do i have friends? i mean, yeah im not a loner but that doesnt mean i have friends (or does it). everyone's so bloody busy these days nobody has time for each other this sucks. and people have boyfriends and whatever commitments and yes this is the truth : i tend to not tell them things when this happens. why? because you feel like such a bother. they'd be like oh i love you mwah mwah xoxo with their boyfriends and you're thr 'dude i wanna cry' to them and they'll be like aw cheer up. not referring to anyone specifically but damn, do they even give a shit? hahahahah ive always wondered oh well.
then... i feel so insecure to tell some people things. i mean, theyre so judgemental. like my own bestfriend haha she secretly tend to have different impressions of people when she reads their tweets whatsoever hahah i mean what if i told her my story and she secretly judges me too? this suuuuuuucks haha.
oh, and next. yeah, you. like the special you. monday and tuesday was really, enjoyable. like wow finally, two great days to remember. and then came wednesday, which was pretty okay. and then yesterday, which was fine. but today.... no today suck. you seem so concerned about something but you just wouldnt say it and you sound so reluctant to talk to me and and .... oh my fcuk this crap ok i feel so uncomfortable talking to you today. and yes because i met you like on those days now i'm pretty much addicted and i feel so miserable and i know you'll be so busy would you even have the time for me?
.
.
.
this is not your fault. im sorry if it sounds that way but it seriously isnt. i mean you cant help it that you have Os this yr. you cant help it that you have to study like crazy monkey because youre expected to do well. yes yes haha i totally understand. (gonna repeat this again it is entirely not your fault) but goooodddddddddddddd i don't think i'll be able to take this. now that i've got myself tangled up in you i dont think it's wise if i let this go. but yes that would mean i'd have to bare with this till the end of this year. and then next year would arrive and then it's my turn to take Os with all the shit that my school would give (yeah it's my sch you're talking about). and yeah well you'll be in jc. i'm not trying to imply things about you but it's most likely/naturally that you'll forget about me and yes jc girls oh so hot and everyth. guess i'm preparing for that. this is not being emo this is life dammit. people come and go and yeah i guess i'd have to treasure whatever we have now cos seriously everyth's gonna go haywire. i know i won't be able to see you often you're so busy that sometimes you blame yourself when you really don't have to. i'm going to suffer and go through this pain. idk how but i have to and i will ok fuck this crap i can't believe what i got myself into.
no that doesnt mean im not sincere about loving you. i am. i just cant believe all this ARGH CAN I JUST SCREAM AND CRY ALREADY I MISS YOU SO MUCH IT IS TIME TO DIE
these days i question myself if i have friends. omg haha seriously do i have friends? i mean, yeah im not a loner but that doesnt mean i have friends (or does it). everyone's so bloody busy these days nobody has time for each other this sucks. and people have boyfriends and whatever commitments and yes this is the truth : i tend to not tell them things when this happens. why? because you feel like such a bother. they'd be like oh i love you mwah mwah xoxo with their boyfriends and you're thr 'dude i wanna cry' to them and they'll be like aw cheer up. not referring to anyone specifically but damn, do they even give a shit? hahahahah ive always wondered oh well.
then... i feel so insecure to tell some people things. i mean, theyre so judgemental. like my own bestfriend haha she secretly tend to have different impressions of people when she reads their tweets whatsoever hahah i mean what if i told her my story and she secretly judges me too? this suuuuuuucks haha.
oh, and next. yeah, you. like the special you. monday and tuesday was really, enjoyable. like wow finally, two great days to remember. and then came wednesday, which was pretty okay. and then yesterday, which was fine. but today.... no today suck. you seem so concerned about something but you just wouldnt say it and you sound so reluctant to talk to me and and .... oh my fcuk this crap ok i feel so uncomfortable talking to you today. and yes because i met you like on those days now i'm pretty much addicted and i feel so miserable and i know you'll be so busy would you even have the time for me?
.
.
.
this is not your fault. im sorry if it sounds that way but it seriously isnt. i mean you cant help it that you have Os this yr. you cant help it that you have to study like crazy monkey because youre expected to do well. yes yes haha i totally understand. (gonna repeat this again it is entirely not your fault) but goooodddddddddddddd i don't think i'll be able to take this. now that i've got myself tangled up in you i dont think it's wise if i let this go. but yes that would mean i'd have to bare with this till the end of this year. and then next year would arrive and then it's my turn to take Os with all the shit that my school would give (yeah it's my sch you're talking about). and yeah well you'll be in jc. i'm not trying to imply things about you but it's most likely/naturally that you'll forget about me and yes jc girls oh so hot and everyth. guess i'm preparing for that. this is not being emo this is life dammit. people come and go and yeah i guess i'd have to treasure whatever we have now cos seriously everyth's gonna go haywire. i know i won't be able to see you often you're so busy that sometimes you blame yourself when you really don't have to. i'm going to suffer and go through this pain. idk how but i have to and i will ok fuck this crap i can't believe what i got myself into.
no that doesnt mean im not sincere about loving you. i am. i just cant believe all this ARGH CAN I JUST SCREAM AND CRY ALREADY I MISS YOU SO MUCH IT IS TIME TO DIE
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