MAJOR SIGH here's my rant for tonight i've been holding it back for too long and god damn it. i can't take this anymore. i can't pretend to be happy ok no i cannot i cannot i just cannot i'm sorry i am a weakling ok whatever hahahahahahaha

these days i question myself if i have friends. omg haha seriously do i have friends? i mean, yeah im not a loner but that doesnt mean i have friends (or does it). everyone's so bloody busy these days nobody has time for each other this sucks. and people have boyfriends and whatever commitments and yes this is the truth : i tend to not tell them things when this happens. why? because you feel like such a bother. they'd be like oh i love you mwah mwah xoxo with their boyfriends and you're thr 'dude i wanna cry' to them and they'll be like aw cheer up. not referring to anyone specifically but damn, do they even give a shit? hahahahah ive always wondered oh well.

then... i feel so insecure to tell some people things. i mean, theyre so judgemental. like my own bestfriend haha she secretly tend to have different impressions of people when she reads their tweets whatsoever hahah i mean what if i told her my story and she secretly judges me too? this suuuuuuucks haha.

oh, and next. yeah, you. like the special you. monday and tuesday was really, enjoyable. like wow finally, two great days to remember. and then came wednesday, which was pretty okay. and then yesterday, which was fine. but today.... no today suck. you seem so concerned about something but you just wouldnt say it and you sound so reluctant to talk to me and and .... oh my fcuk this crap ok i feel so uncomfortable talking to you today. and yes because i met you like on those days now i'm pretty much addicted and i feel so miserable and i know you'll be so busy would you even have the time for me?

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this is not your fault. im sorry if it sounds that way but it seriously isnt. i mean you cant help it that you have Os this yr. you cant help it that you have to study like crazy monkey because youre expected to do well. yes yes haha i totally understand. (gonna repeat this again it is entirely not your fault) but goooodddddddddddddd i don't think i'll be able to take this. now that i've got myself tangled up in you i dont think it's wise if i let this go. but yes that would mean i'd have to bare with this till the end of this year. and then next year would arrive and then it's my turn to take Os with all the shit that my school would give (yeah it's my sch you're talking about). and yeah well you'll be in jc. i'm not trying to imply things about you but it's most likely/naturally that you'll forget about me and yes jc girls oh so hot and everyth. guess i'm preparing for that. this is not being emo this is life dammit. people come and go and yeah i guess i'd have to treasure whatever we have now cos seriously everyth's gonna go haywire. i know i won't be able to see you often you're so busy that sometimes you blame yourself when you really don't have to. i'm going to suffer and go through this pain. idk how but i have to and i will ok fuck this crap i can't believe what i got myself into.

no that doesnt mean im not sincere about loving you. i am. i just cant believe all this ARGH CAN I JUST SCREAM AND CRY ALREADY I MISS YOU SO MUCH IT IS TIME TO DIE